Advice needed: How do I break my fetish to a potential GF?

I have a pretty exclusive spandex/sports gear fetish in that I am attracted to anyone wearing the gear but find it difficult to get a hard on if spandex or sports gear is not involved. I am currently at the beginnings of a relationship with what I consider to be the perfect girl, only issue being she knows nothing about my fetish. Does anyone have any advice for this situation? Should I tell her about my fetish, try to wear/try to get her to wart gear during sex without saying why or try my best to "be normal" with no gear? This is causing me a lot of anxiety Thanks

Do you wear spandex or Lycra for any sports? Or in gym? Do you fantasise her in spandex or Lycra?

Hi, I think you need to be careful and take it slowly maybe you need for her to see in some of your gear say after you have been running or cycling or doing some sort of sport and then see what reaction you get from her of you in your gear! She may come up and stroke your bum in you tights say! If you are lucky! Or on the other hand rant on about guys should never wear tight gear and how ridiculous you look full stop! I do often think women have different takes on these fetish things us guys like, but there again, many girls seem to accept them more today. So I would play it slowly see how she reacts to you in your gear I would not come straight out and tell her about it. But then that's just my thoughts. Get her use to it make out you are very sporty, and the gear comes with that side of your life and take it from there. Good luck and best wishes, Kev.

Yes and yes, I would need the Lycra/gear to feel arousal

Thanks for the reply I think you’re right I need to get her general feeling on spandex My fear is she’ll be indifferent and start to think I’m a freak if I keep mentioning it lol I’d also love her to wear something like under armour but she isn’t sporty so I don’t see how that would ever happen

First, I would not refer to your fetish as a fetish. A woman might be turned off by that word. I would incorporate it into your next sex session. Don't make a big deal out of it. If she ask you why you are doing it, just tell her you think it's sexy and makes you feel good. Get her used to you wearing something every few times when you have sex for a few months and slowly add in more. If she seems open to exploring your interests, buy her something to wear. Also, when you tell her what makes you feel sexy, ask her what makes her feel sexy and embrace it. She may have some interests that she is too shy to share with you. Hopefully, you are now having a healthy discussion about both your sexual interests.

I think this is very sound advice as relationship and even close friendships rely on good sound honest communication, i.e. Talking to each to put in into basics. And being in a position you both feel safe and happy to share even deep intimate thoughts and dreams about what excites you both and what does not say at the right time and place to talk about things like this, and being a good listener and encouraging partners to talk and be open and honest. I can tell you from personal experiences and the age I am I look back and have a few regrets that maybe I did not be open enough and tell certain people how I really thought about them and the love I had for them some of us are shy about opening up to more intimate feelings and what excites us and what maybe does not. There again, I do agree, don't use the word fetish! You tell us that you like sports this is just your sports gear that has this effect on you so keep it as simple as that. Take an interest in what your partner wears and tell her or him how good they look and talk about clothes and fasion. I would also say don't rush or be to pushy go at a pace you feel happy with re all this. I wish you well and hope it works out for you. Best wishes Kev.

Replies are spot on, great advice. As a married guy I do have to say that any workout gear seemed harmless to my wife. Once I tried on a singlet and she laughed - not good. So you may not be able to fully unleash your urges, taking it slow helps. I’ve been able to suggest working out together (she wears leggings at times) and post workout sex is amazing. Next step is role play, but again take it slow. My (wet) dream would be to get her into spandex too, but I doubt it will happen.

I agree with the replies on here. I went through this with my wife. They key is to ease her into it and definitely don't call it a fetish...yet. Maybe start out with you in a speedo and her in a one-piece. They key is...make sure she has AMAZING sex. Try to get her to orgasm as many times as possible. As you introduce more gear, ALWAYS take care of her first and make sure SHE has an amazing time. Eventually she will associate the two and it becomes pavlovian. Then you can discuss the fetish and really start to have fun. :)

I would avoid the term fetish as I feel it has a negative connotation to it. But it’s also what you like and no one should be judged on that. From my experience with thongs it was what I wore but I led into it with a generic hey how open minded are you type question. Get a feel for her and trust ur gut instinct. You definitely don’t want to hide it as that’s the wrong way to enter a relationship. Honesty works and if she’s cool, she’ll be fine

Hiya, I had this back along, just gauge her reaction, mine went really well and we wear it together and get horny, we use strap on's and rub each other in it

Lots of good advice already. I have a girlfriend and a couple who I play with. My GF will happily wear running tights and such as so many women do. It's amazing to have sex with her in them and that's not too weird for her. Normalising wearing lycra was the way I went rather than introducing it as a fetish. So may women wear lycra leggings now that every high-street chain has a section. It's just a normal sexy option was how I approached it. As time went on I've bought her a few lycra t's and sports bras, no big deal, just bit by bit. She likes how I'm turned on by her in them and that's a win / win. Best of luck.

If you cannot become physically aroused without the fetish article or item present, then I believe this is referred to as a paraphilia. Fetishes are part of the range of human experience, so are not exactly ‘abnormal’... leather, rubber, corsets, fishnet stockings etc. are common, stereotypical sexually exciting items... then there are uncommon and specialized things like sex toys that give erotic pleasure, satisfaction and stimulation. And there are practices like BDSM and a whole range of quirky, fun things to mentally enjoy. Rather than only trying to change your significant other, you could also try out some new things yourself for becoming sexually aroused, so as to not be dependent upon just one source of stimulation to want to engage in giving and having orgasms. Try different things for foreplay. Role play. It depends I think on whether your partner is sex-positive and mature and informed enough about the range of human experience. Or whether she is vanilla only in personal preference. For example, if she has studied psychology or is progressive and liberal minded then she could be more open-minded and unconcerned than if she was conservative, religious, sheltered and unworldly (naïve) and has narrow values, or is inflexible, unimaginative, limited in life experience... urban or rural upbringing might have exposed her to more or less of a range of what’s possible and doable within consensual human experience. Perfect is a tricky term. You could get to know her ways of thinking and deeper values to gain insights into how receptive she might turn out to be. If sustaining a paraphilia is critical to you, then you need to assess the potential for the relationship to be mutually compatible. It might be good to be up front and honest. Because she will catch on to any attempts by you to groom her towards your ‘kink’ (like right, you are into sports.... so are millions of others, but they don’t make love with their baseball glove on... at least not the vast majority.) It might be better to discuss ypur respective sexual proclivities generally, values (e.g. live and let live without judgements where there is no harm, like cross dressing causes no harm, yet isnt ‘typical’) and attitudes etc. .... without going into the specifics of your particular sexual turn ons at first. She might meet you part way, or fully or not at all. The only way you can find out which is through open, honest, respectful communication I would reckon. To mislead or fake wouldnt be good for the relationship. You can try to sound her out. If she truly is ‘perfect’ then she will be compatible with the ‘real’ you. It’s like some people are ok with being in an open relationship and some arent. Think of how if the shoe was on the other foot (that is, a potential partner would like YOU to adapt to a novel sexual behavior)... how would you want that conversation to go so that you feel respected. Anyway, when in my 20s I wanted to have sex wearing my speedo, she made a joke, but understood well that it was just a mild, tame kink... because she understood that different things turn on and have different meanings for different people. She thought it was cute. The problem with paraphilias sometimes is that the objects can replace the human being you are trying to connect with.